2004 In Review:
My Personal Tsunami

Gingerbread House
of
Horror!

Today I made a gingerbread house. Unlike many kits, this house was actually already assembled, it just cried out to be decorated with icing and gumdrops. So I "decorated" it. Now, for those of you who have made a gingerbread house before, you know that the icing is NEVER right. It's always too runny and none of the decorations will stay on the house. Also, it's too sticky to make cute little designs with and that icing bag thing is beyond the explanation of physics. You might try putting the icing in the fridge or freezer for awhile, but it really doesn't help much, because it still can't be used until it gets too soft again. Therefore, I made a gingerbread mess today.

"He could not stay off the phone although he knelt hand under knee."

Ah, The Inbreds' "It's Sydney Or The Bush" has finally come back to me. I declare it to be the defining album of my first "college" year. It instantly brings back a visual of myself in a long black trenchcoat, standing on the spot where Cogswell meets North Park meets Rainnie meets Ahern meets Trollope, waiting at a light in the middle of winter on my way to NSCAD to spend countless hours in a darkroom printing photos that were not quite crappy (a.k.a. artsy fartsy) enough to fit in with my classmates. Good times. Mostly. At least The Inbreds were there to make the walk seem not quite so bad. Mike O'Neill, how I love thee and thine wonderful lyrics. "What else can I tell you... about my childhood, was real nice."

Mmm... Vanilla and Pine, together at last.

I got this Christmas tree ornament a few days ago because Hello Kitty reminds me of my childhood (although I was really into My Melody and still am.) and it was 40% off. Then I got it home and I noticed the ornament is called "Ice Cream for Christmas" (which is actually what I'll be eating for Christmas dinner) and that it is scented. "Scented?" I thought. I was intrigued. I opened the box and it indeed was scented. Like vanilla. Which made me think, why the hell is a Christmas ornament scented? What could be the purpose? Once it's on the tree you can't smell it unless you specifically walk up to the tree and cram your face into the branches to smell it. Also, if the tree is real, then the vanilla scent is mixing with the pine scent, and is that really necessary? What if you had several scented ornaments and they all combined in a non-Fabreeze-like fashion, reeking to high heavens? It just makes no sense (scents. get it? awful). It's seems like an unnecessary step in the manufacturing process, adding time and money. It's like having scented picture frames or a scented hood ornament.

Maybe he should've Mastered in not weirding me out.

So last night I decide to go see "Sideways" with Pizza Diarist. I for once was early so decided to wander around the mall waiting for him. Now, it's Sunday in Nova Scotia, therefore (sigh) all the stores in the mall are actually closed and the only people in there are there to go to the theatre. Except for one dude that's apparently there to ask and weird me out. I saw him earlier in Shoppers Drug Mart and smiled because I was in his way and didn't realize it. Maybe that was the downfall. Me being polite. I'm not positive he actually followed me from Shoppers to the mall, but it also wouldn't surprise me. Once he started talking to me, I, not being much for talking to strangers out of nowhere and for no reason, immediately took the stance as depicted here:

(Only probably not so angry looking.) I feel confident any expert in body language (or any one at all for that matter) would tell you this is a farily unwelcoming stance. It doesn't really scream "Procede with your life story." Which is pretty much what happened. I was told I was a good listener, which I thought was funny because I only seemed like a good listener because I was avoiding talking as much as possilbe and constantly thinking "Hurry up Pizza Diarist!" After telling me where he was from and what he was doing in school and for work and what days he was going home for Christmas and who his roomate was and so on, eventually this dude got to the "Are you seeing anyone?" part of his speech and I, not being quick with the lie (damn my honest upbringing!) said "No", to which he replied "Why not?" Why not? I never understood why someone ever asks "Why aren't you seeing anyone" in that kind of situation. If you can't come up with a good enough reason, do you have to go out with the questioner by default? After I dodged that, he finally started to wind down, eventually inviting me to look for him after the movie if I wasn't too tired. It seemed like in regular life he was probably a nice enough guy, like, as a co-worker or something. But is this really how people are meeting these days? Approaching each other randomly in closed shopping malls and hoping "Maybe this will be the one" or at least "Maybe this one will come home with me tonight". Maybe it is! Maybe this is why myself and so many of my friends remain single. Because we refuse to give in to a society that forces us to date whoever approaches us in malls or at bus stops.

Today I looked like a longshoreman. Black "Relic" hat, black pea coat, black pants that flared out a bit and black boots. Except the boots had heels, because it's apparently impossible to buy women's boots without heels. Since my bookbag was filled with stuff, I was even hunched over like an old longshoreman. If only I had a cigarette. And gonorrhea.

Merry Napmas

Today I put up my Christmas tree and decorated my apartment for the holiday season. It made me very sleepy so I spent the rest of the night on my new amazing comfortable couch. My tree looks very happy with all it's colourful ornaments, my Calvin and Hobbes tree skirt and two toy hippos sitting under it. No presents yet. Happy Birthday Dad!

Oh Budge, how could you?

I've been finding weird inscriptions lately. This time it was in a book I got in my laundry room. We have a "Give and Take" Section, where you can leave books, dishes, clothes, what-have-you, that you no longer want and if someone else in the building wants it, they can take it. So I took this book called "The Leaving", a collection of short stories by Budge Wilson. Above is the inscription. The best part is that the inscription is actually from the author. What could she have done that made her feel bad enough to give a copy of her own book to someone? And did that person forgive her, or is that why the book is now in my possession? At exactly 5 p.m.? What happens then? Was it a lover's quarrel over missing their daily viewing of "Live At Five"?

Gonna dress you up in my love!

I yearn to decorate! I pine, I long to decorate! As soon as my couch gets here, it's gonna be decoration station!

This was me at work today. Freezing while everyone else was fine or too warm. I was wearing a long sleeve shirt, a hoodie, and a heavy fall coat. I would have been wearing mittens if I didn't have to type and turn the pages of "Mother Night".

"Are you afraid of staircases? If you are, then you have climacophobia."

Which, I guess I do. At least in a mild, gripping the banister, wanting to cry sort of way.

Pancakes!

Pizza Diarist came over and made us pancakes! Some had chocolate chips in them which made them taste like big chocolate chip cookies. And that's supposed to be maple syrup, not beer. Now we're waiting to see who the supposed greatest Canadian is. Come on George Stombolopolousoidiazzcy!

"No amount of time can erase the memory of a good cat, and no amount of masking tape can ever totally remove his fur from your couch." -- Leo F. Buscaglia

I think this may be my best work ever. I guess I just needed to be inspired.

Hurts so good.

And by "Hurts so good" I mean, Hurts so bad.

Because of yesterday's spill, I am in serious pain and my right leg is so weak I'm having problems walking, standing, sitting and moving properly. The red lines indicate main areas of pain. I'm photographing the changes of colour in my bruise out of fascination. Also, in case I decide to sue my parents for having improperly de-iced stairs.

Stupid invisible 6 a.m. ice!

I'm the one with the red hair. My dad is the one with the yellow hair. Ouch. At least he had me to break his fall.

Damn. Why you gotta be like that?

This week I really hate Shoppers Drug Mart. Usually I quite like them. Nice, clean stores. But last week they put out a big Christmas catalogue with all kinds of stuff I could buy if I wanted. So I wanted to get something for one of my friends for Christmas, but alas, Shoppers did not come through. They did not have this advertised item in Glace Bay. They did not have it in Sydney. They do not have it in Sydney River or Dartmouth and I feel confident that neither Fenwick Street nor Spring Garden Road stores will have it either, since I know those stores rather well, and they never have this sort of item. Why do they advertise this but not actually have it anywhere? Actually Dartmouth had it (because it's a big fancy "new" Shoppers store), but sold out and won't be bothering to get it again before Christmas. Why bother? Why play with consumers like that? Jerks!

Three cheers for consumerism!

Today I went shopping with my parents in Sydney. I got a notebook at Frenchy's for 50 cents in which was inscribed the mess you see below. In case you can't pick it out, it once said "To Amanda, the best friend a gal can find anywhere. Love, Lori". I like to think a huge fight ensued, causing Amanda to never write in the nifty notebook, scribble out the note and toss it in a box destined for Frenchy's. Either that or Amanda was just really not creative in any way and couldn't think of a way in which to fill even one single page and crossed out the message out of embarrassment that her best friend obviously has no idea who she really is. My mom bought me a shirt, which is actually black, unlike the drawing. Then we all got some pizza to take home and eat. I also had a fortune cookie dipped in Belgium chocolate. I got two fortunes! One for each personality. One was something about how I will travel far and wide for both business and pleasure and the other mentioned something about how I was thinking of getting into something that would bring me credit. Probably just credit at Blockbuster. Although, since my crappy Zellers shirt fell apart, they did give me $24.95 store credit today! Then I spent (that is, my dad spent) $6 getting me super cool retro plastic garland dealies to put on my Christmas tree! They're white, not blue, as pictured. Now, I will go eat some of the remaining pizza, despite it's so-so sauce.

sigh.

B-I-N-*clap*-O!

It was B-I-N-clap-O last night since I didn't win bingo. I was very close several times, which really just makes me a bigger loser. Also, I have a cold, which I also had last night, making bingo less than exciting, having to sniff constantly and never win anything for it. Then I went home and later ate a gingerbread man cookie my mom bought for me. It could be worse. I could be in Halifax with what I hear is copious amounts of snow everywhere, no bingo to even go to, and no gingerbread man to torture with my teeth and kill with my stomach acids.

If anyone's actually wondering, I'm mostly retching out crappy Paint sketches because the scanner here is just way too much effort.

Every time I sneeze my right eye twitches.

Cat Scratch Fever!

also

Fat Thumb Fever!

Soooo-ee!

Saw "Sunrise" at the Khyber tonight. Silent movie with musicians playing music for it. I'm still not a saxophone fan.

Guess who!

This guy! Again! I saw him while I was on the way home from "The Incredibles", which was awesome. And I think they even had a nod to Heat Miser! Tonight he was in a coffee shop and it looked like he was with a friend. I have yet to see him front on. Would I even recognize him? I probably would and I'd yell something stupid like "You're that guy!" right in his face. So where will Waldo be next?... And why oh why did I have to draw his first picture on that off-white paper?...

Today I almost literally did nothing other than watch movies. So far, "Bullitt", "City of God", "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", the last 30 minutes of "White Squall" and probably something else pretty soon. All while lying on my too short and uncomfortable couch with neck pain that seemed to extend out through my ears, a headache and a stomach ache. Truly, this was a manic Monday.

yay!

Guess who I saw today! This guy! Today I was sitting in a car waiting for Pizza Diarist to get his laundry and this guy walked in front of the car. I saw him side on for a second while he looked both ways for cars. The smaller insert picture is from the first time I saw him. When will he appear next? Stay tuned!

Scaling down a large image makes it look not so hot. If anyone is interested, you can see a bigger (and slightly better) version of this picture here. Depending on your browser, you may have to hold your cursor over it until you get that little arrow dealie in the corner that makes the picture bigger.

Today I had blood taken from my freakishly large bright blue veins (3 out of 4 hospital blood takers comment on their size) and saw "Team America: World Police", deepening my already ridiculous admiration of Trey Parker and his song writing genius.

The Great Pumpkin didn't show up...

But the Great Bellyache did.

I ate boat loads of mini chocolate bars and rockets. Also some cake. I watched "The Nightmare Before Christmas", "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" and "Garfield's Halloween Adventure". I carved Richie and Margot Tenenbaum-o-Lanterns and sliced open the top of my finger in the process. I turned on the orange lights on my balcony. I somehow pulled a muscle in the upper/middle/right side of my back. Happy Halloween!!

Happy Hallo-choo!

This is last night in three pictures. Time was spent watching (and barely helping) Pizza Diarist transform himself into a wonderful glowing figure. Numerous Christmas lights and a Beastie Boys-style white jumpsuit were involved. Then we hit a party on John Street where I met a cat named Earl who had adorable paws with six toes on each one. Just like a Hemmingway cat! Also met various people, costumed and non. Then I discovered I was crazy allergic to copious amounts of cigarette smoke and I had to bail out early and go home and down some allergy pills and put on a cold eye mask in an attempt to halt the sneezing, sniffles and eye pain, which was really only halted when I passed out asleep. Good times!

Today Pizza Diarist thought I was retarded and in the minority because I borrowed a book from him and kept the dust jacket on it. Apparently dust jackets are not meant to protect books, as I once so naively thought. Rather, you must keep the dust jacket in tip top form and if the book is not water logged or is only partially burned, it's really just a bonus to it's overall worth.

Halloween approaches!

I've painted my nails in celebration!

Sometimes your plans will go awry.

I drew this based on part of a postcard I got today. It has a print of Theophile Steinlen's "Horrible fin d'un poisson rouge" (The End of a Goldfish) on it and I thought it was hilarious. Then I looked him up and found out that he's the guy who created this famous image, popular with artsies the world over. I guess I'm just uncultured to not have known this before now.

I also found one of these dealies on my way over to Pizza Diarist's place. It will adorn my bathroom door as soon as I locate my duct tape.

Hippo Stomp

"We're all Hippos rollin' down the river, Sometimes we can't touch the ground, Like Hippos slidin' in the water, Somehow we're stompin' around"

I got a wind up hippo at the dollar store today!

"Now you can see me lyin' down in my swamp, Any time I feel disgusted, You'll see me do the hippo stomp!"

- "Hippo Stomp" by Steppenwolf

I saw this poster on a light pole on the way home tonight and it made me very sad.

Wictsh!

(whip sound)

Many people died this week, causing me, as an obituary writer, to have a retardedly busy day.

On my way to work today I had to follow this guy for about five minutes. I never got to see his face, but I couldn't stop looking at him. From my vantage point, he looked like how someone I knew in elementary school may have turned out. Although I can't imagine that elementary school guy would now be that thin. Plus, I suspect he would probably be wearing a baseball hat, wherever he is.