Monday, October 02, 2006

An Open Letter to Milk


Dear Milk,
It’s over, and I think you know why. I can no longer deal with your high double standards. I'll admit I haven’t been an angel myself. I know you saw me with Calcium Pills in August. What can I say Milk? With you I felt empty, like I was lacking something in my bones. I wouldn’t have had to turn to them if you satisfied my needs like you had promised. I know you don’t like to talk about your work, but how long did you think I could ignore your last commercial? You know the one, that irritating music video where the women appear underweight, and most of the men are overweight, one even morbidly so. Is this what you stand for Milk? I thought you were all about healthy body images and improving quality of life. No wonder my friends kept telling me what a jerk you are. I was so blind. Grow up. I wouldn’t want any other women treated this way by you.
Truly,
Blandy Snorhal
p.s. I was only using you to get closer to Cereal.

10 comments:

pizza diarist said...

Humans are the only animals on the planet that drink another animal's milk. Sick.

Two words: SOY MILK

And I know what you're thinking (Gross!) but don't be rash! Don't think of it as fake milk, but a completely different beverage that happens to look like milk, can be used for most things milk can be used, and actually tastes great!

Blandy Snorhal said...

Stop pushing soy milk on me!

Blandy Snorhal said...

Plus, animals will drink the milk of other animals if need be. There just usually isn't a need.

Evidence:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=OmG8SYnX394

The Miker said...

She has you Pizza Diarist. Plus the idea that soy milk "tastes great" is just f*cking crazy talk. My concerns about milk include that it has a high puss content... (something to do with antibiotics and all that crap) Organic milk is much better... but cost 9 bucks a jug. I didn't see the offending commercial... the one we have over here that makes me want to cut somebody is the one with the redneck white guys rapping about milk.

Blandy Snorhal said...

No, that's the same commercial, and that's the problem. People are so used to seeing it this way that no one even notices it anymore. No offense Miker, it's set up that way. Girls are always skinny, guys can come in various sizes. Next time you see it, take a closer look at the girls in midriff baring outfits and they're really skinny, while the guys are all bundled up and most are large to overweight, including a guy that looks about 350 pounds. I just don't think milk should be representing such body images and double standards. That's what everyone else in the world is for.

Anonymous said...

So wait a second. "Plus, animals will drink the milk of other animals if need be. There just usually isn't a need." Why should humans *need* another animals milk to survive?

Blandy Snorhal said...

I never said humans needed another animal's milk to survive. I said animals do, specifically baby animals. I personally don't think anyone really needs milk after they can start eating solid foods. And I don't see many adult animals walking around trying to get milk. It's just that cereal tastes pretty lame with water.

And stop pushing veganism!

pizza diarist said...

Not to continue this argument, but..

Scratch that.. In order to continue this argument.... Soy milk does taste good. Especially with chocolate syrup.

Also, from PETA :

"Besides humans (and companion animals who are fed by humans), no species drinks milk beyond infancy or drinks the milk of another species. Cow’s milk is suited to the nutritional needs of calves, who have four stomachs and gain hundreds of pounds in a matter of months, sometimes weighing more than 1,000 pounds before they are 2 years old."

Blandy Snorhal said...

That's all well and good, but as that video shows, animals will drink milk from another species. It's nice how PETA can make an exception for "companion animals", but not other animals who have lost the mother that's supposed to provide them milk. They need milk, they're gonna get it, no matter what species is offering it up. Companion animals aren't forced to drink milk. So why do they? Freaks? And what about infant formula? Also wrong?

Anyway, you're all missing the point, which is not whether milk is good or bad, but how milk advertising is producing double standards, which I consider to be worse than what milk might be doing to people.

And I refuse to classify soy milk in the same category as cow milk. Milk from a cow and milk from a bean are not the same thing. As well, nobody said soy milk tasted bad. But why do you need to add chocolate to it? Do they not make chocolate soy milk?

Sigh, let's all just shut up now. I'm tired. I'm going to go punch a cow.

silent grasses said...

Oh, God. I only just saw this one. You're on form here!