Me so hungee.

Baking Peanut Butter

Chocolate Cookie Bars!

Or something like that. The recipe is in the kitchen and frankly, I don't care about going to find it to see what the actual name of this cookie thing is.

Okay, you will need all this jazz.

And a cat to complain about not being allowed on the counter.

Um, flour next I guess. I made these 2 weeks ago. I don't have a super vivid memory of the directions.

Okay, but you do need to crush up some peanuts, which I remember because of this photo.

You put the peanuts in a baggie, then pound them with the hammer. That way, peanut bits don't go flying everywhere!

Whatcha doin' in there?

Smashing peanuts.

Add the peanuts to the flour. In retrospect, this is probably actually flour and sugar. Whatever.

Okay, now you need to melt some chocolate squares and some butter.

This chocolate woman is mocking me.

It's all "Get in the kitchen bitch!" And I'm all "I am in the kitchen woman! Just not wearing a stuffy high-collared outfit!"

Okay, calm yourself down. You need to break out the mini whisk you got with a hot chocolate kit and semi-whisk some eggs.

From what I remember, and based on the order I took these pictures, I think the eggs went into the chocolate/butter mix. Then that mix went into what is probably the flour/sugar/peanut mix.

Nope, I was wrong. As you can see, the eggs went in after mixing the chocolate and flour business.

See?

Cupcake still wants in on this.

Upon further reflection and further looking at these pictures I'm pretty sure it was flour and peanuts, chocolate and butter, chocolate mixed with sugar, eggs mixed with choco/sugar, and then flour/peanuts added to choco/sugar. If you're following along at home, you have fucked up your cookies.

Okay, mix this stuff up!

Try not to think about what this looks like.

Spread that shit (ugh, sorry) out in a cookie sheet.

Stick it in the oven. I don't remember for how long. While waiting, check out my awesome new ring and matching nail polish job!

Crazy fantastic.

What was that sound?

Cupcake knocking over a chair, and then sitting on the top of it in victory.

Okay, now you need to make the peanut butter topping. Peanut butter and regular butter.

Yum!

I love peanut butter.

Oh yeah, mix in some icing sugar. And add peanut butter chips. Oh holy jeebus, they are so tasty.

Mix that all up and dump it onto the cookie part that you just baked.

Smooth it out. Try not to think about what it looks like.

Stick that mother in the over for about 5 minutes so that the chips melt. Then smooth it out again. Now melt some butter and chocolate chips for the fancypants topping.

Drizzle chocolate over yumness. I used one of those icing contraptions.

Add the crushed peanuts.

Think about how the next time you do one of these baking posts you should save some of the cookies to eat, so that you are not just torturing yourself by looking at all these pictures and not being able to eat the product.

Put cookies in fancy little tin and serve to friends.

Go to the kitchen and see what's available for eating. Find out it's just peanut butter and crackers, a sad, sad substitute.

Bake! Bake a Cake!

Birthday Cake!

First, you will need these things, minus the cat food.

Also, some shortening and flour for the pan.

Try to explain to the cat why you can't let him up on the counter to investigate the smells and sounds. This is a birthday cake, not a cat fur cake.

Mix the cake mix, eggs, water, and oil, and dump in pan. Surprisingly, cake mix batter is not all that tasty.

Making a basic cake is dead easy. You literally just mix that stuff mentioned above and chuck it in a pan and into the oven. This is the entire amount of clean up (other than the pan, which was in the oven at the time of photograph).

Forty minutes later (enough time to clean the bathroom!), the cake is baked!

After letting it cool, cut it into three pieces. Horizontally. That's kind of important.

Let it continue to cool. You will need a boatload of Skor bars.

This recipe actually called for 12 bars, but I didn't know how to convert ounces to grams while in the grocery store and I thought "It can't possibly be that many" so I only got 8. And 8 was fine, but 12 would have been awesome.

Now, the recipe suggested using a blender on "pulse" to chop the Skor bars into bits. This did not really work, as it more powderized them than chopped them. The sound of the blender led to this reaction:

Then when I stopped using the blender and chopped by hand...

...I got this sad face reaction for not paying him enough attention or explaining what was going on.

After the Skor bars have been annihilated, add them to a full container of Cool Whip. Don't say Cool Whip outloud, or Cupcake will start meowing for some. What a pain.

Add to first layer of cake.

Add to second layer of cake.

Add top of cake.

Cover in Skor bar Cool Whip.

Oh yeah, you should have kept some Skor bits aside. If you didn't, go buy another Skor bar. Add remaining chopped Skor bar to top of cake.

Use your camera's macro feature.

Ooh and ahh.

While waiting for this party to get started, stretch it out. You deserve it.

Enjoy cake!

Yes, I gave him some Cool Whip.