Friday, August 25, 2006

Society for Poor and Cruel Adults

Okay, I haven't posted for awhile. Summer can do that do a blog. But today I got mail that inspired me to post.

So last Christmas I had a little extra money left over from buying presents, so I cut the SPCA a cheque for a hefty $10. That's TEN dollars. Which normally is not something I would report, but I have to share this insanity. After a couple weeks I get a thank you letter with a cheap tinny SPCA keychain, which I have misplaced and therefore can not show you, unfortunately.

Some time passes and I get another letter from them, telling me how animals need care and essentially requesting more money. This time a pin has been sent, of the same tinny quality of the keychain:

(Larger than actual size)

I'm usually pretty broke and can't always give to charity, unless you consider buying groceries for my belly to be charitable. Which I think my belly would say it probably is. So, I did not donate.

Time passes, and eventually I receive this photo album in the mail:

(Only it has my last name instead of "Blandy's" as in "The Smith Family Memories")

At this point I'm thinking "Is this where my ten dollars went? Didn't you buy them some food at least?"

Still, I don't have any extra cash to send their way and I assume the SPCA will give up on me.

I was wrong. Witness:

The Bear of Shame!!

It even has my name made into it's little heart keytag (instead of Blandy) and it's looking at me like "You already have me, now you have to pay for me." But I'm thinking "Fuck you SPCA! You had to mail this out to me in a box! Not an envelope! Not even an oversized envelope! A package! That costs money!!"

Now anyone who knows me knows I'm insane for cats. They also know I have no money. And that guilt does not work on me. All things the SPCA apparently does not know. At least the last two things anyway. I don't know how a ten dollar donation screams "Big spender!"

More time passes and my co-worker and I are amused by the Blandy Bear and he works his way into a picture with Magic Tree ('member that?).


Now, I know full well I did not order any photos from the SPCA, because they are not photo finishers. I sigh and open the envelope:

Inside this part I find the "pictures" which are made of heavy paper stock, scanned here for your pleasure:

They all had things written on the back. This was on the back of the sad dog one:

Now, I'm fully aware that there a tons of sad animals out there. I understand the need. But I'm a once a year ten dollar donater! Why am I being bombarded with over ten dollars worth of this crap?! Shouldn't they have given up on me by now? I don't want to hate the SPCA! I also didn't want to know they were blowing all kinds of money on this junk! It's not like I'm sitting around hoarding my money from animals! And I can't volunteer with them because it makes me too sad. So stop harassing me SPCA! I will donate when I have extra money! Which is rare! So back off! Don't make me hate you!


The Miker said...

My dad died of MS... So one time I gave them 100.00 because I did some fund raising... for a business class... I sucked at it but got 100.00. Seemed like they sent me something once a month after that. I didn't get a "your father is ashamed of you bear" I got hundreds of shiny adress labels... like I sent out 100 letters a month. I just moved... and so far they have not found me to make me feel bad about myself.

Zencat said...

When I lived in Regina, I volunteered once a week for an hour. I built up enough time that the Royal Bank donated $500 two years in a row. I used my time to groom the cats, play with them and blow bubbles for them (and fight with the mean ones). I took my own pictures of cats while I was there and have hundreds of pictures of cats, most of them probably put down. For all my hard work and getting over $1000 I got...a carabiner keychain..once..and I guess some personal satisfaction, but materially, I struck out!